The Events Preceding My Demise


29 January 1978
(1978-?) Raised on song lyrics, clichés, old wives' tales, and consumer truisms, matintin took his coffee black, to match his soul. However, it was no contradiction to say that he was happy. His education underwritten by swollen philanthropists, drinks and cash came by way of hustling the mean streets of your hometown. Upwardly mobile in his chosen career, he once ate goat, and recalled liking it. Childhood goals achieved, matintin had some thinking to do when he was called to the Bar.

For matintin, LiveJournal was a way of contemporaneously documenting life events (the majority of which, until now, remained hidden) in egotistical anticipation his highly-sought memoirs and biographies. No doubt biographers will see turning points at graduations and ceremonies, and they will be right, but there are others. Biographers will also note that, despite a surfeit of talent and charm, matintin was excessively vain, participated in the unspeakable perversions of the ancient Greeks, fussy about disturbances to his routine, and had a weird thing for the smell of fresh laundry on the line. These idiosyncrasies will no doubt be over-emphasised in eulogies.

He is survived by no one. He taught you how to be popular.

matintin will be missed, and fondly remembered by those who fondle.

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I read your journal pretty much daily if you can read this entry. I add pretty well anyone who adds me, but always appreciate a heads-up.

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Extracts from David Rakoff's Fraud, taken from two separate stories, pretty well sum up a lot of this journal:

The central drama of my life is about being a fraud, alas. That’s a complete lie, really; the central drama of my life is actually about being lonely, and staying thin, but fraudulence gets a fair amount of play.
My decision to write about my quest is as much about providing myself with a welcome screeen of white noise as it is about any need for documentation. My clutching a notebook while searching for the perfect one-liner will be a comfortable distraction from what might result in my feeling something, which is never my first choice.


You're my favourite jerk. - neonfoxtongue

Every time I read your LJ I wish I too were a sexy, rich, gay man. - elsabet

I want to be just like you when I grow up! - loserkid2004, who earlier said: it's so hard being matintin :(

28 barbary lane, 80s catch phrases, aller faire du ski, anastasia beaverhausen, anglophones who speak french, augusten burroughs, being interested, being interesting, belvidere, better living through caffeine, bjork, bowties, cbc radio one, complex fare itineraries, conversations without resolution, cufflinks, dave eggers, david sedaris, ella fitzgerald, expensive consumables, frontrunners, generally faggotty things, getting ditched, gin in summer, handmade suits every day, here there and everywhere, high class bitches, i heart band, i ✈ ny, impeccable grammar, irebukeyouinthenameofjesus, jonathan safran foer, knowing just enough, ladysmith black mambazo, leonard cohen, long-distance running, marathons, margaret atwood, mcsweeneys.net, movies i haven't seen, my husband rufus wainwright, my secretary, ndp stuff, new things, nolite te bastadares carborundorum, not being a lawyer, officious little pricks, proprietary eljay interests, public transit, reading three papers daily, romanian babies, rye in winter, seasons as verbs, single-malt scotch, snow at elevation, st catharines, swc, temporary lapses in perspicacity, the corrections, the hardy boys, the vinyl cafe, this american life, thodomy, titular abbreviations, tom robbins, uncle tom collins, unwavering veracity, wicked, words ending in ness